Ok.. so just on a year since my last post. I was just reading it now. Such excitement and enthusiasm in my words. Wow. Although a lot of things have changed, things are still pretty much the same. I am continuing along my journey of weight loss, building muscle and generally getting fitter. I have completed my first ever Duathlon and I am feeling pretty good.
My gym training has not yet happened, due to a bit of a comedy of errors really. Each time i was booked into do my training, something happened. First time, there was not enough participants so they canned it. 2nd time I was at my best friends wedding. 3rd time I had an important singing gig on. 4th time, and the most funniest, I broke my wrist in a cyling fall 2 weeks before. Now I am booked in my 5th attempt, coming up in August. fingers crossed hey!
Right at this moment though, I am doubting my self big time. Its not my tecnique or cuing I am worried about, I still have a big hurdle in front of me about my body image and what people will think of me. Part of me tells me to shut up becuase I look great (not perfect) but acceptable enough to be on stage. The other half says no way, as I hold fitness and fit looking pretty high up there when I judge other instructors. That is the problem, i am always judging myself and others. I am always wondering, what do they think of me, and I am always looking at other people and assesing their bodies and their flaws, or good things. Wow I am such a shallow person! Talk about superficial! I am seriously contemplating talking to a professional about this, and getting some tools to deal with it. .. as I really feel it is holding me back.
Also my relationship with food comes into question many a time. It is much harder to get your mind into shape than your body. I striuggle everyday with my food choices. It is not that I don't know what is good and bad, I just tend to try to justify having a treat or a naughty snack. Eyes on the prize! I tell you what I am such a cocoffany of conflicting and confusing thoughts!!
On one hand I am so pleased with how I am going, lost 25kgs, dropped from a size 20 to a size 10. Wowee. Thats great. That is also all in the past. Right now, I have been stuck on losing the last 5kgs for about, oh I dunno, 6 months!!! And in the last few weeks without altering my food or exercise all that much, the scales have actually GONE UP! Crazy. My clothes still fit the same though. So I guess I am losing my muscle store and replacing them with fat. Sheesh! Too much cardio we think. We is me and the trainer.
Today I found out I have put on 2% body fat since December. Thats bad. That sucks!
I shall see how I deal with this.
Monday, May 9, 2011
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