Must be that time of the month...

Today I feel really wierd. I am not sure if it is just that time of the months, or I am in the beginnings of a mid life crisis of sorts!!

I just had the realisation that - this is my life. What I have now, my child, my husband, our home, my cats, everything - this is it. When I was a kid and thinking about how my life would turn out and what I would do when I grew up, this is it!

And I can't help feel a little bit ripped off. Regrets, well not really. Just a bit of a scare to think that this is it!

I had been feeling like this for a little while, well not exactly like this, just some underlying wierd feeling that I could never quite put my finger on. It was not that I was unhappy as such, just something was there niggling away.

I think it really came to a head this weekend, when we had a couple of young riders stay at our place. When I say young, well younger, only 28 and 29 which is only 2 years younger than me. But it made me realise how much they have achieved in their lives, how much they have done and seen, and also how much they have left to do. Living in Europe for 9 years, travelling heaps, seeing the world, meeting lots of people. Then when they are done with that they will settle down and start a family and have all that part of their lives left ahead of them.

I am not saying that I want to give up this life for another, it had just made me realise that this is it! I will probably have another baby, watch them grow up, then retire and die. That's it.

I guess that sounds really selifish on one level, that in watching them grow I will get so much joy and love and laughter. And when we retire, we will travel and have fun and enjoy our grandchildren. But all I can see now is the next few years where my husband will work his ass off at work, and we will raise the children and I will be stuck at home. I think that's it really, feeling trapped. I thought it might have been wanting to reclaim my youth, after the night out I had on Saturday, and had to go home early coz of the baby. Selfishness has always been a strong point of mine. Jealousy maybe too, that I can't have the life that others have. But I wanted to have a family, I did a lot of living before Alex and there is much to come after wards.

Just a different sort of living.

Mother's Group 1st Birthday Party

Today my Mother's Group held our joint 1st Birthday party for the babies.

Here in Australia, when you have a baby the fantastic South Australian government set you up with a Mothers's Group of babies born around the same time. You have 6 weeks of structured learning at the local Child and Youth Health Centre, then you can do what you like. We have met every week since then, and it has been an amazing journey of sharing and friendship. We only have 9 in our group, most have over 12 mums.

I have loved hearing other people's stories, and I am not ashamed to admit that I like hearing other people's problems because it helps to put yours into perspective. Everyone goes through hard times, and it helps to hear how others have dealt with it.

And it amazes me how all the babies can develop at so many varied rates. Some are walking at 10 months, some don't have teeth at 11 month, others slept through the night at 3 months and some still aren't. Yet they are all classed as perfectly normal!!

After a year, 3 mums have returned to full time work, and everyone else is working at least some time. So we are going to miss out on seeing some of the babies grow up. Even today we saw Evan and him mum after not seeing him for 3 months. And he has really changed.

So here are a few choice pics of our Mother's Group, from day one, to 1 year on!!

Alex playing with Ahlia

The fabulous big bird cake!

The babies 1 year on - minus Brodie

One year on..

I can't believe that in just a few weeks we will be celebrating Pappy's 1st Birthday!!

It really does seem like only a few months ago we were bringing him home, working out how to get him to sleep, sorting out the dramas of breastfeeding and not getting much sleep at all!!

How time has just flown by. Now my little man is communicating, crawling, eating like a trooper and sleeping blissfully through the night! Wow, maybe I will consider having another one after all!!

So i have sent out the invitations, after much discussion about who/where/what we would do. I am pretty happy with the outcome, I don't feel like I have left anyone out who would be offended. After all, it is really a party for us adults its't it! A bit of a celebration for us to say 'we made it!" He is still alive! Let's reward outselves for that!

I have had a practice of his lion birthday cake, as you can see it is a good thing I practiced it as it does need a little work! The icing just wasn't thick enough when I started. Also I am not 100% happy with the colours. But I have some time to perfect that!

Along with the slab for the lion cake, I have ordered some cupcakes from the Women's Work Depot, so that I can decorate them with the fabulous designs I found in the Women's Weekly 'Easy Cupcakes by Colours' book I was given for Christmas. I am not a baker, really I'm not, so I have taken half the hard work out for myself... just don't tell the guests!!!

Also I have checked out some co-ordinating decorations, in yellow and orange, to match the lion. But I haven't found anything I really like so I think we won't worry about that.

But I have soooooo much work to do in the garden and around the house to tidy up. Since late Feb should be pretty warm here, we are planning to have the party outside under the pergola and let the kids go nuts in the garden. Just got to make it weed free and kid friendly in 3 weeks! UGH! I have let everything go except my roses over the Summer so there is a lot of work to do.

Anyhow I will keep you posted.. may end up hiring a gardener to clean up for me!